So that times of refreshing may come

Today in church was an amazing sermon that touched not only my heart, but my brain. I realized I don't want to be that person who is prideful and not humble. Even though I thought all this time that I was humble. The biggest sign of pride is thinking you are the "hublest" around. I want to say more "sorry"'s but mean it for real. I want to be the first one to fix a broken relationship. I want to have a gentle spirit. (1 Peter 3:4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.) I no longer want to be a rebel for the wrong things or bad things, but the things pleasing to God. I'm tired of the world.

Don't you other rebels just get tired? I'm tired of the expectation of me to be a rebel. In fact, that previous statement just stated that I am no longer a rebel. A rebel does things unexpected "resisting tradition". Well I'm going to resist my tradition. Tradition of being quick to anger. Tradition of being the problem child. Tradition of not reading my bible everyday. Traditions need to be broken. As a rebel it is my duty to resist tradition. This morning I realized i want to do this pleasing to God. "With a rending of the heart With the bowing of a knee Oh we are returning With a prayer and with a fast With a song in minor key Lord we are repenting"

I am broken. I have come to the end. Rebels you understand the need to go against the grain. But I don't want that attention I want the attention of hope, no not my name but what it means. The hope in a future. That is what I want.

Today in church they played an amazing worship song I just want to take you through these lyrics and how God has touched my heart, maybe you can relate.

"When my heart runs dry and there's no song to sing No holy melody, no words of love within I recall the height from which this fragile heart has slipped" I remember the peak at which God had me. The way he was pointing me. I remember dreams of bible college and the dream of a missionary. Then plans changed. My heart ran dry. The living water no longer lived. I had no holy melody to sing, fruits of the spirit did not sing from my heart. Words of love were not in sight. Bitterness, anger and down right evil, all flowed from my mouth. The gift of conversation is probably the greatest gift Jesus has given me, but I also know how to put someone down. Down lower than dirt. Unfortunately my family and friends were the brunt of that anger.

"And I'll remember You, I will turn back and do The things I used to do for the love of You Lord, I'll remember You, I will turn back and do The things I used to do for the love of You" This hit me hard. "remembering you" I always know God, why would I have to remember him? Because when you are depressed you forget. You only see one side. It is a very selfish side. You don't "remember" the times Jesus was there holding you, when he was saving you. Even on the cross when he died for me, for you. I realized I want to do things for Christ, not for me, not for anyone else. I want that relationship with God. I have been wanting that "someone" but really I've had him all along. I just didn't remember. He was there he knows me BEST. He will NEVER disappoint me like so many others will. That is not their fault. Thinking it is there fault for YOUR feelings of being (as we now say) butt heart is not their fault. That is how you take a situation and "feel". I have realized this. the best realization of my life. Expectations are so dangerous. Putting someone too high will only disappoint yourself, putting them too low will only depress them. Grace and a gentle spirit from God will be the greatest equation for a relationship. I do not posses either of them. But with God I will. I cannot wait for that.

"You are my soul's desire, You are the hope within You bring my heart to life, You make my spirit sing I recall the height from which this fragile heart has slipped" My soul's desire. Oh goodness how true is this. My soul LONGS for Jesus. Amen?? Longing for Jesus is amazing but whats better is being with him. Those moments where peace and love over take me. I wanna see through God's eyes. I want that hope, I want to be full of it so when people say my name it rings true. I want my heart to sing, singing his praises through the storm, through the love and through the pain.

One song, one night or one promise will not change my whole attitude. It is going to take time. It was not a quick fade. It is called a slow fade for a reason. God will work on me but my old habits will take a while. Quick to anger, will soon be slow to anger. Words of wrath, will soon turn to words of encouragement. Not by a snap of my fingers, but by daily choices made with Jesus and through Jesus.

This season in my life is ready to be turned for good. Apologies will need to be made, I will need to hold my tongue and let the correction of authority take place. These things will happen, not because it is easy but because I want it FOR Jesus. I'm ready for Love, the Love of my Jesus.

All you rebels, do what is unexpected. We all have to face the pain of correction, which all rebels hate. We have to go through the pain of coming from rebellion. But God doesn't need to think about giving us grace, he already has. Don't be selfish, the only person you hurt when you turn from your family and friends is yourself. Life is so much better lived in company of loved ones. Tension sucks, let it go and let God "....so that times of refreshing may come from the Lord" Acts 3:19. Don't you wanna be refreshed dear rebel? I know this ginger does.

So Lord, tonight I go to sleep with joy in my heart and ready to face the day, because you are there. No longer running FROM you but TO you. Lord grant me the strength and humility to apologize and be humble. You are the one I chase. No more do I rebel against but for. I love you, Amen.

Being a rebel is easy, being a disciple is hard. As a rebel, challenges are excepted. Take the challenge of following Christ, not because you look good but because you LOVE your personal savior.


"Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord" Acts 3:19

"Honor your Father and you Mother, that your days be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12