It has now been three months since I have been here in Washington, the roller coaster I have been on is incredible. Starting off I was terrified to have left my family, friends and my whole life in California. I couldn't believe I had done it. It was liberating, scary and fun all at once. I moved here and started work a few weeks after settling in. Work has it's challenges but also is very rewarding, the team that I work with are all very supportive and kind. They welcomed me in with hugs. I adopted a guinea pig as soon as I could which was fantastic and she is a little spit fire mixed with sweetness. Alice helps me through those days where all I want is comfortable faces. Learning to have long distance friends and a boyfriend have been a challenge. It is interesting how relationships change when you are the one to move. Most of my childhood friends had left California before I had, so those friendships have already been long distant, but when you leave you realize the other side to that relationship. It is a struggle of wanting to be in the life of you friends as you have been while living close by, and the realization that, that's not going to happen. You will still be in their life, for sure if it is a good friend, but it is different. Coming to accept that is still a process that hurts my heart but also is growing me as a person. I love the weather here, my apartment is almost all furnished and I have made quite a few friends. One friend I met at work, we had been seeing each other in passing but never actually spoken words to each other. Finally we went up to each other and literally asked "want to be friends?" We are now friends! We get together for dinners and talk for hours, it is a great friendship. Both of us are in the same situation where the team we work with is a little older than us so it is nice to have a fellow coworker and friend who is the same age.
On that point I did start a second job. I decided to work at Starbucks for the social aspect. I wanted to get out and meet people my age, while having a second income coming in. I got the job in October and last week I started training. Today was my first day on the floor and it was quite exciting. Another reason I started this job was because I wanted to be on the other side of customer service. I have heard how ugly people are and how crazy it is to have to keep being nice to them. I thought it would be a good character development to understand someone else's shoes. Working with customers is nothing I've ever done before. So far I love it, I haven't dealt with a bad customer but seeing the smile on someone's face when you ask how their day is going really brightens your heart. I hope this feeling I have won't go away after a few months of working in this field. I really want to brighten people's days and make sure they know that I do care about making their day a better one.
I'm sure there will be more adventures to come! I have driven to Idaho having my own mini road trip all by myself and it was an amazing experience. I do enjoy being alone, as much as everyone knows how social I am, but I also get lonely every so often; however, I absolutely love it here. I am having the time of my life starting new things I thought I would never do, and really embracing who I am as a person. I don't know what the far future has in store for me, but I do know that living day by day is really making an impact on who I am. I love living in the moment and have really been happy the majority of the time I have been here. Now if I can go in for allergy testing and stop getting sick every few weeks then my adventures will double in their numbers. I got some recommendations for doctors and allergists so now I just have to make appointments to see why my body hates Washington! Overall I'm having the time of my life and I'm so grateful for the support that I get from my family and friends. The holidays are right around the corner and I am staying in Washington for them, that will be hard. I know that's just my life right now and learning to love everyone from a distance is a great skill to have. I can't believe last May I was wrapping up my education and now here I am using those skills while adulting to the best of my ability. 2016 has really been great to me, even though it has been a tough (but rewarding) year I cannot wait to see how it finishes out!
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
4 things I've learned in 4 years of college
Today I made my event on Facebook for my graduation party, we all know it is real when Facebook has it officially as an event. I can't believe that I have gone through 4 years of college. Even though it has felt like a long time it also is a very small part of my life compared to the rest of my life. I am 21, hopefully I will live to be 90 which means only a little less than 1/3 of my life was spent in college. That is really nothing. But in these four years I have learned some valuable lessons.
1. Friends will magically appear, I just stepped out of my comfort zone for 10 seconds
I'm not saying they fall out of the clouds or something but they arrive at your front door sooner or later (sometimes literally, hi roommates). It could be the person who is in your group project who laughed at your joke, or the person who laughs with you at the teachers stupid jokes and you finally asked if he thinks they are funny, or just so pitiful you have to laugh. Even your roommate who invites you to a party that you would never say yes to except in those 10 seconds; or the person you ask if your in the right class on the first day which took you almost 10 minutes to finally ask. It doesn't matter how it begins it all can end the same, you could find a forever friend. Now this friend won't be like a friend who you have grown up with this friend is new and exciting and is really the best thing you need. Someone to complain with cause they know what you are feeling, exactly, someone who is low maintenance cause you're going to see them in class more than once a week so you don't have to worry about planning anything. It is great to have these types of friends and these friends teach you that one small interaction can lead to one great friendship.
2. It's okay to not know who I am and still stand up for what I believe is right
During college I had no idea who I was. I was going through so many different "identities," if you will, trying to figure out what I believed in. Sometimes I contradicted myself but, at that time, I thought that I was correct in believing in what I stood for on certain issues. I would be alone in my room at night and think to myself "who am I?" that question haunted me and sometimes still does. After four years of teachers teaching their opinions and realizing that I didn't agree, I finally figured out what I believed for the big topics, in the grand scheme of things. Hearing someone's opinion and thinking they are wrong, you realize, in that moment, what is right to you. You don't have to sit there and take what they say as fact, it is your chance to figure out what you believe, and sometimes that means your opinion gets changed and that's okay. Life is ever changing and your opinion can change, I think a lot of people forget having an open mind means that your opinion can be changed that isn't giving up on your beliefs it is recognizing you may have it wrong. You may not think you are wrong, I didn't and that's fine, then hold true to those things that you feel strongly about it will shape you as a person. I can proudly say I am so much closer to being the woman I wanna be and hey, I'm proud of me.
3. It's okay to say no, no really, don't go to the party it isn't fun go back to Netflix
I have been to a fraternity party, home group parties, kick backs, all kinds, they are not fun. I am sure some are fun and that's cool, I'm sure people at the same parties as me thought they were just roaring. But I'm that girl in the corner trying to sneak away from the crowd or silently wishing I was home, bra less, in sweatpants. It's cool to test the water, why not? But don't feel obliged to say yes and to keep appearances, it's fun to curl up with a good friend and to binge watch a show. I didn't have the "college experience" and I have no regrets!
4. Grades don't define me and timing is everything
I am stopping my education at my BA. I didn't even think I would make it this far, dropping out was not far from a good idea to me. Then I found out that grades aren't a make or break situation. Yes, you need good grades but you wouldn't be at a four year university if you didn't know that. But my motto was C is for complete and I ended up not even getting a C as a final grade in any of my classes at CSUN. In college there are so many other things to worry about, life is happening. I know that I feel like that is a contradiction to college, but it isn't. I had to complete the work that was ahead of me and complete it in a way that would mean that I was passing the class, but that doesn't mean I skip out on adventures. Go get that late night drink with a friend instead of studying through the night, go for a walk to clear your head with your roommate, listen to music and eat cheese balls together. School isn't everything, the college experience isn't everything, life is everything what feels good to you is what is important. I truly believe high school is where you find yourself, college you discover what you are made of, and then in the real world is where you build your reputation. Each stage you find a bit more of yourself so don't allow college to define you, if you get a C it's okay (depending on your major, sorry med students). It is all about finding timing, you can time in procrastination, that is probably the art of procrastination. Don't miss out on the people who are supporting you through this process, if you don't give them your time you don't get the support you need to keep going, boy do I know. Recharging through those around you is so important. I have one regret through my college years, I never used all my given absences and I wish I had, they are given for a reason use them up. I guess in my timing schedule through college I could fit all the classes in, but that might not be the case for everyone and sometimes those people who missed more than me got better grades. If your brain isn't in the class it is worthless being there anyway. Time it out, and remember the grades aren't your worth.
Cheers, 2016, I've waited for you.
1. Friends will magically appear, I just stepped out of my comfort zone for 10 seconds
I'm not saying they fall out of the clouds or something but they arrive at your front door sooner or later (sometimes literally, hi roommates). It could be the person who is in your group project who laughed at your joke, or the person who laughs with you at the teachers stupid jokes and you finally asked if he thinks they are funny, or just so pitiful you have to laugh. Even your roommate who invites you to a party that you would never say yes to except in those 10 seconds; or the person you ask if your in the right class on the first day which took you almost 10 minutes to finally ask. It doesn't matter how it begins it all can end the same, you could find a forever friend. Now this friend won't be like a friend who you have grown up with this friend is new and exciting and is really the best thing you need. Someone to complain with cause they know what you are feeling, exactly, someone who is low maintenance cause you're going to see them in class more than once a week so you don't have to worry about planning anything. It is great to have these types of friends and these friends teach you that one small interaction can lead to one great friendship.
2. It's okay to not know who I am and still stand up for what I believe is right
During college I had no idea who I was. I was going through so many different "identities," if you will, trying to figure out what I believed in. Sometimes I contradicted myself but, at that time, I thought that I was correct in believing in what I stood for on certain issues. I would be alone in my room at night and think to myself "who am I?" that question haunted me and sometimes still does. After four years of teachers teaching their opinions and realizing that I didn't agree, I finally figured out what I believed for the big topics, in the grand scheme of things. Hearing someone's opinion and thinking they are wrong, you realize, in that moment, what is right to you. You don't have to sit there and take what they say as fact, it is your chance to figure out what you believe, and sometimes that means your opinion gets changed and that's okay. Life is ever changing and your opinion can change, I think a lot of people forget having an open mind means that your opinion can be changed that isn't giving up on your beliefs it is recognizing you may have it wrong. You may not think you are wrong, I didn't and that's fine, then hold true to those things that you feel strongly about it will shape you as a person. I can proudly say I am so much closer to being the woman I wanna be and hey, I'm proud of me.
3. It's okay to say no, no really, don't go to the party it isn't fun go back to Netflix
I have been to a fraternity party, home group parties, kick backs, all kinds, they are not fun. I am sure some are fun and that's cool, I'm sure people at the same parties as me thought they were just roaring. But I'm that girl in the corner trying to sneak away from the crowd or silently wishing I was home, bra less, in sweatpants. It's cool to test the water, why not? But don't feel obliged to say yes and to keep appearances, it's fun to curl up with a good friend and to binge watch a show. I didn't have the "college experience" and I have no regrets!
4. Grades don't define me and timing is everything
I am stopping my education at my BA. I didn't even think I would make it this far, dropping out was not far from a good idea to me. Then I found out that grades aren't a make or break situation. Yes, you need good grades but you wouldn't be at a four year university if you didn't know that. But my motto was C is for complete and I ended up not even getting a C as a final grade in any of my classes at CSUN. In college there are so many other things to worry about, life is happening. I know that I feel like that is a contradiction to college, but it isn't. I had to complete the work that was ahead of me and complete it in a way that would mean that I was passing the class, but that doesn't mean I skip out on adventures. Go get that late night drink with a friend instead of studying through the night, go for a walk to clear your head with your roommate, listen to music and eat cheese balls together. School isn't everything, the college experience isn't everything, life is everything what feels good to you is what is important. I truly believe high school is where you find yourself, college you discover what you are made of, and then in the real world is where you build your reputation. Each stage you find a bit more of yourself so don't allow college to define you, if you get a C it's okay (depending on your major, sorry med students). It is all about finding timing, you can time in procrastination, that is probably the art of procrastination. Don't miss out on the people who are supporting you through this process, if you don't give them your time you don't get the support you need to keep going, boy do I know. Recharging through those around you is so important. I have one regret through my college years, I never used all my given absences and I wish I had, they are given for a reason use them up. I guess in my timing schedule through college I could fit all the classes in, but that might not be the case for everyone and sometimes those people who missed more than me got better grades. If your brain isn't in the class it is worthless being there anyway. Time it out, and remember the grades aren't your worth.
Cheers, 2016, I've waited for you.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
What it is like to have an Emotionless Best Friend
Okay no she's not really emotion less, let's just say her emotional spectrum is 1-100 where mine is 0-1,000. And I will never understand how she survives. But I will understand the support and comfort she gives me through everything.
We met when our mutual friend was getting married, she was the MOH and I was a bridesmaid. We had our friend's shower at my grandparents' place so we stayed up all night, complete strangers, bonding over crafts, last minute adjustments and energy drinks, the next day we hosted the party on 3 hours of sleep, with the help from the rest of the bridal party. I will forever thank our friend for allowing us to meet.
Through this time we started talking and as I try to think how we got close I can't tell you how it happened. Just all of a sudden we are close and we all lived happily ever after. Sometimes I wonder how we actually make this happiness happen, we are as different as apples and oranges. We knew we were different, but as much as we are different we are the same, just the same as an apple and an orange are completely different but still fruit. You could say that about us, opposites, but weirdos just the same.
My emotionless counterpart, is happily married, you know that mushy first year of marriage stage, but also long term relationship stage, since they are high school sweethearts. Let's take her marriage for example, when something cute happens, my first reaction is welling of tears in my eyeballs, but hers is to say how gross it is. But she knows how I will react and still wants my reaction (who wouldn't want their best friend to think they are the cutest couple on this earth). With that we can take all my relationships and see the drama zone in each relationship and when I share something dramatic, her response is level headed, calm and well, emotionless. Her response is based solely on the facts that were presented to her, not on the emotions.
If I could count the times she has called me out for being crazy (or emotion filled) we both would be rich, cause you bet I'd share my money with her. But these interactions are ones we thrive for. I need and desire someone to look at my situation in a way that I cannot, and I know sometimes I may be overboard with my reactions yet, she likes the outward response I give, because i know she feels these emotions she just doesn't express them as I do.
How do we do it? I'm not sure, maybe it's the draw to the opposite, maybe it's the pull of the similarities. I do believe a soul mate can be a friend, someone you absolutely adore, someone you wouldn't want to part from. I don't mean part from each other like a daily distance, but part in the form of parting ways. I wouldn't wanna lose my emotion lacking friend; I believe our souls speak to each other in ways we can't even understand fully.
For all those people who can't control emotions I believe you need a friend who doesn't even have emotions to control. The deep thinkers, the introverts, the jaded, the ones who won't show you them until they are ready, no matter what you say to encourage them to share, they won't. We need these people in our lives, without them we wouldn't have the outlet we need. My boyfriend has to deal with my crazy and if he had to listen to all the craziness my support has to listen to he would go insane, one person can't handle all of the crazy that is in this red headed mess. She knows my inner thoughts, what my heart desires, you could say she sees the intimacy I'm scared to give to other people. Does that mean I don't give it to my boyfriend? No, it just means she opened me up and found me first and things are different romantically and platonically.
I've had many best friends and do have many close friends I'm not one to have many friends but instead a tremendous group of close ones. But never have I shared as much as I have with this particular person. She sees me when I'm a wreck, when I'm a disaster, when I can't see straight, when the anger takes over my mouth, when the anxiety cripples me, she's right there looking at me fully saying I got your back. Even if that means telling me I'm wrong, pointing out the flaws in my judgement, it doesn't matter cause she's on my team, as I am hers.
Sometimes I wonder if she can feel anything, and then she opens up to me. I can't scream and shout cause if I did I'd scare her back into her rabbit hole. But I take that in my heart and treasure the courage she had to tell me something that she had deep, deep, deep down. For once I don't wanna tell anyone else information about how amazing my friend is because they'd probably look at me crazy for being excited that she told me about a personal achievement, cause to them that's friendship it's sharing, but they don't know my friend, I do. I know the progress that was made, I know the leap she took and didn't know where she'd land, and I was there to, figuratively, catch her, cause let's be real, I don't have the best reflexes to catch anyone.
Today, I saw my friend, she was exhausted, and we were getting coffee. We just sat and talked on and off barely making a conversation. These are the days I adore, the days I realize how much I love her friendship. We text 24/7, sometimes even in our sleep, we are always there for each other. But those days when we don't have much to tell each other (since we already did 5 minutes ago through a text), we just sit and bask in what we have. The times we plan to visit each other, the days that we have to cancel cause life got in the way, but then re plan for a future date, these are the times I imagine friendship should be like. Here I am living it. I'm not saying my other friendships haven't given me this joy, but this comfort I have never felt so fast and so overwhelmingly strong.
Here I am writing a blog about how amazing she is. She is probably the most non-gushy person ever, but here I am throwing all emotions into every word I type, bad grammar and all. I am so grateful for my emotionless bestie, she keeps my emotions in check and I make sure she knows that feeling is okay. Feelings don't have to be scary, they don't have to be pushed away, you can't have the good feeling without knowing what a bad feeling is. If you're like me and have too many emotions to contain in your body, keep your eyes open, when you don't expect it you might run into someone who isn't like you, be open, embrace it. Who knows, you might find a forever friend.
We met when our mutual friend was getting married, she was the MOH and I was a bridesmaid. We had our friend's shower at my grandparents' place so we stayed up all night, complete strangers, bonding over crafts, last minute adjustments and energy drinks, the next day we hosted the party on 3 hours of sleep, with the help from the rest of the bridal party. I will forever thank our friend for allowing us to meet.
Through this time we started talking and as I try to think how we got close I can't tell you how it happened. Just all of a sudden we are close and we all lived happily ever after. Sometimes I wonder how we actually make this happiness happen, we are as different as apples and oranges. We knew we were different, but as much as we are different we are the same, just the same as an apple and an orange are completely different but still fruit. You could say that about us, opposites, but weirdos just the same.
My emotionless counterpart, is happily married, you know that mushy first year of marriage stage, but also long term relationship stage, since they are high school sweethearts. Let's take her marriage for example, when something cute happens, my first reaction is welling of tears in my eyeballs, but hers is to say how gross it is. But she knows how I will react and still wants my reaction (who wouldn't want their best friend to think they are the cutest couple on this earth). With that we can take all my relationships and see the drama zone in each relationship and when I share something dramatic, her response is level headed, calm and well, emotionless. Her response is based solely on the facts that were presented to her, not on the emotions.
If I could count the times she has called me out for being crazy (or emotion filled) we both would be rich, cause you bet I'd share my money with her. But these interactions are ones we thrive for. I need and desire someone to look at my situation in a way that I cannot, and I know sometimes I may be overboard with my reactions yet, she likes the outward response I give, because i know she feels these emotions she just doesn't express them as I do.
How do we do it? I'm not sure, maybe it's the draw to the opposite, maybe it's the pull of the similarities. I do believe a soul mate can be a friend, someone you absolutely adore, someone you wouldn't want to part from. I don't mean part from each other like a daily distance, but part in the form of parting ways. I wouldn't wanna lose my emotion lacking friend; I believe our souls speak to each other in ways we can't even understand fully.
For all those people who can't control emotions I believe you need a friend who doesn't even have emotions to control. The deep thinkers, the introverts, the jaded, the ones who won't show you them until they are ready, no matter what you say to encourage them to share, they won't. We need these people in our lives, without them we wouldn't have the outlet we need. My boyfriend has to deal with my crazy and if he had to listen to all the craziness my support has to listen to he would go insane, one person can't handle all of the crazy that is in this red headed mess. She knows my inner thoughts, what my heart desires, you could say she sees the intimacy I'm scared to give to other people. Does that mean I don't give it to my boyfriend? No, it just means she opened me up and found me first and things are different romantically and platonically.
I've had many best friends and do have many close friends I'm not one to have many friends but instead a tremendous group of close ones. But never have I shared as much as I have with this particular person. She sees me when I'm a wreck, when I'm a disaster, when I can't see straight, when the anger takes over my mouth, when the anxiety cripples me, she's right there looking at me fully saying I got your back. Even if that means telling me I'm wrong, pointing out the flaws in my judgement, it doesn't matter cause she's on my team, as I am hers.
Sometimes I wonder if she can feel anything, and then she opens up to me. I can't scream and shout cause if I did I'd scare her back into her rabbit hole. But I take that in my heart and treasure the courage she had to tell me something that she had deep, deep, deep down. For once I don't wanna tell anyone else information about how amazing my friend is because they'd probably look at me crazy for being excited that she told me about a personal achievement, cause to them that's friendship it's sharing, but they don't know my friend, I do. I know the progress that was made, I know the leap she took and didn't know where she'd land, and I was there to, figuratively, catch her, cause let's be real, I don't have the best reflexes to catch anyone.
Today, I saw my friend, she was exhausted, and we were getting coffee. We just sat and talked on and off barely making a conversation. These are the days I adore, the days I realize how much I love her friendship. We text 24/7, sometimes even in our sleep, we are always there for each other. But those days when we don't have much to tell each other (since we already did 5 minutes ago through a text), we just sit and bask in what we have. The times we plan to visit each other, the days that we have to cancel cause life got in the way, but then re plan for a future date, these are the times I imagine friendship should be like. Here I am living it. I'm not saying my other friendships haven't given me this joy, but this comfort I have never felt so fast and so overwhelmingly strong.
Here I am writing a blog about how amazing she is. She is probably the most non-gushy person ever, but here I am throwing all emotions into every word I type, bad grammar and all. I am so grateful for my emotionless bestie, she keeps my emotions in check and I make sure she knows that feeling is okay. Feelings don't have to be scary, they don't have to be pushed away, you can't have the good feeling without knowing what a bad feeling is. If you're like me and have too many emotions to contain in your body, keep your eyes open, when you don't expect it you might run into someone who isn't like you, be open, embrace it. Who knows, you might find a forever friend.
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