I don’t know what I’m doing here. It feels like everyone is against me, though I know no one is judging
me to my face, I feel like everyone thinks I am a liar and weak. Daily lies are told to me, told to myself.
I’m not trying to be someone I am not. I don’t want to be this person. It hurts to hurt. Sometimes I just
don’t even want to live anymore. These moments are scary because I think of all the life I will miss.
But the daily moments I feel like they last for hours. I feel like I can’t become calm.
I feel like I cannot live with myself alone anymore. That if I am alone I will want to exit this earth.
One day I hope to feel alive again. Each day is a struggle to find zest. Each day I feel so
weak because just living takes 110% of my strength every single moment. Whenever I do something
it takes my whole strength and when I finish it it feels like my whole body was hit by a truck!
It’s so frustrating when no one asks if I am okay, because they cannot see that I am struggling.
me to my face, I feel like everyone thinks I am a liar and weak. Daily lies are told to me, told to myself.
I’m not trying to be someone I am not. I don’t want to be this person. It hurts to hurt. Sometimes I just
don’t even want to live anymore. These moments are scary because I think of all the life I will miss.
But the daily moments I feel like they last for hours. I feel like I can’t become calm.
I feel like I cannot live with myself alone anymore. That if I am alone I will want to exit this earth.
One day I hope to feel alive again. Each day is a struggle to find zest. Each day I feel so
weak because just living takes 110% of my strength every single moment. Whenever I do something
it takes my whole strength and when I finish it it feels like my whole body was hit by a truck!
It’s so frustrating when no one asks if I am okay, because they cannot see that I am struggling.
It hurts to not have my family and friends around. To feel abandoned but also feel like I have pushed them away.
So all at the same time I feel like i’m trying to get help but also feel like I cannot accept it.
It feels as if I have exiled myself in the middle of a crowd. Like everyone is around me and I cannot touch anyone
for help. I am alone on a spaceship that is only in my head. Where no one can see where I am going and nobody
believes the destination is real. As if a rocket ship needs to find a place to land but just keeps circling the
atmosphere and maybe one day i’ll just blow up from the pull of the gravitational pull.
So all at the same time I feel like i’m trying to get help but also feel like I cannot accept it.
It feels as if I have exiled myself in the middle of a crowd. Like everyone is around me and I cannot touch anyone
for help. I am alone on a spaceship that is only in my head. Where no one can see where I am going and nobody
believes the destination is real. As if a rocket ship needs to find a place to land but just keeps circling the
atmosphere and maybe one day i’ll just blow up from the pull of the gravitational pull.
I don’t know if I can do this, but everyday i’m going to try. I don’t know what to do but everyday I will do something. I don’t know how I am going to feel in a few minutes, but I will make sure to feel something and understand my feelings are valid. I’ll stop waiting for one day, living each day to be a day that counts.
