Okay no she's not really emotion less, let's just say her emotional spectrum is 1-100 where mine is 0-1,000. And I will never understand how she survives. But I will understand the support and comfort she gives me through everything.
We met when our mutual friend was getting married, she was the MOH and I was a bridesmaid. We had our friend's shower at my grandparents' place so we stayed up all night, complete strangers, bonding over crafts, last minute adjustments and energy drinks, the next day we hosted the party on 3 hours of sleep, with the help from the rest of the bridal party. I will forever thank our friend for allowing us to meet.
Through this time we started talking and as I try to think how we got close I can't tell you how it happened. Just all of a sudden we are close and we all lived happily ever after. Sometimes I wonder how we actually make this happiness happen, we are as different as apples and oranges. We knew we were different, but as much as we are different we are the same, just the same as an apple and an orange are completely different but still fruit. You could say that about us, opposites, but weirdos just the same.
My emotionless counterpart, is happily married, you know that mushy first year of marriage stage, but also long term relationship stage, since they are high school sweethearts. Let's take her marriage for example, when something cute happens, my first reaction is welling of tears in my eyeballs, but hers is to say how gross it is. But she knows how I will react and still wants my reaction (who wouldn't want their best friend to think they are the cutest couple on this earth). With that we can take all my relationships and see the drama zone in each relationship and when I share something dramatic, her response is level headed, calm and well, emotionless. Her response is based solely on the facts that were presented to her, not on the emotions.
If I could count the times she has called me out for being crazy (or emotion filled) we both would be rich, cause you bet I'd share my money with her. But these interactions are ones we thrive for. I need and desire someone to look at my situation in a way that I cannot, and I know sometimes I may be overboard with my reactions yet, she likes the outward response I give, because i know she feels these emotions she just doesn't express them as I do.
How do we do it? I'm not sure, maybe it's the draw to the opposite, maybe it's the pull of the similarities. I do believe a soul mate can be a friend, someone you absolutely adore, someone you wouldn't want to part from. I don't mean part from each other like a daily distance, but part in the form of parting ways. I wouldn't wanna lose my emotion lacking friend; I believe our souls speak to each other in ways we can't even understand fully.
For all those people who can't control emotions I believe you need a friend who doesn't even have emotions to control. The deep thinkers, the introverts, the jaded, the ones who won't show you them until they are ready, no matter what you say to encourage them to share, they won't. We need these people in our lives, without them we wouldn't have the outlet we need. My boyfriend has to deal with my crazy and if he had to listen to all the craziness my support has to listen to he would go insane, one person can't handle all of the crazy that is in this red headed mess. She knows my inner thoughts, what my heart desires, you could say she sees the intimacy I'm scared to give to other people. Does that mean I don't give it to my boyfriend? No, it just means she opened me up and found me first and things are different romantically and platonically.
I've had many best friends and do have many close friends I'm not one to have many friends but instead a tremendous group of close ones. But never have I shared as much as I have with this particular person. She sees me when I'm a wreck, when I'm a disaster, when I can't see straight, when the anger takes over my mouth, when the anxiety cripples me, she's right there looking at me fully saying I got your back. Even if that means telling me I'm wrong, pointing out the flaws in my judgement, it doesn't matter cause she's on my team, as I am hers.
Sometimes I wonder if she can feel anything, and then she opens up to me. I can't scream and shout cause if I did I'd scare her back into her rabbit hole. But I take that in my heart and treasure the courage she had to tell me something that she had deep, deep, deep down. For once I don't wanna tell anyone else information about how amazing my friend is because they'd probably look at me crazy for being excited that she told me about a personal achievement, cause to them that's friendship it's sharing, but they don't know my friend, I do. I know the progress that was made, I know the leap she took and didn't know where she'd land, and I was there to, figuratively, catch her, cause let's be real, I don't have the best reflexes to catch anyone.
Today, I saw my friend, she was exhausted, and we were getting coffee. We just sat and talked on and off barely making a conversation. These are the days I adore, the days I realize how much I love her friendship. We text 24/7, sometimes even in our sleep, we are always there for each other. But those days when we don't have much to tell each other (since we already did 5 minutes ago through a text), we just sit and bask in what we have. The times we plan to visit each other, the days that we have to cancel cause life got in the way, but then re plan for a future date, these are the times I imagine friendship should be like. Here I am living it. I'm not saying my other friendships haven't given me this joy, but this comfort I have never felt so fast and so overwhelmingly strong.
Here I am writing a blog about how amazing she is. She is probably the most non-gushy person ever, but here I am throwing all emotions into every word I type, bad grammar and all. I am so grateful for my emotionless bestie, she keeps my emotions in check and I make sure she knows that feeling is okay. Feelings don't have to be scary, they don't have to be pushed away, you can't have the good feeling without knowing what a bad feeling is. If you're like me and have too many emotions to contain in your body, keep your eyes open, when you don't expect it you might run into someone who isn't like you, be open, embrace it. Who knows, you might find a forever friend.
