The last option

"I originally asked so-and-so but they couldn't cause they had a boyfriend, didn't wanna steal her Friday nights"

"I asked so-and-so but she had a whole summer to have fun with"
"I went through my line of people and FINALLY found you"

"I was gonna hang out with so-and-so but they were busy and I know you're not so I asked you"

These words are perfectly innocent, not meant to hurt me or make me feel less worthy. But all in all they sting. I'm never someone's first option, I've come to accept it. Their will always be someone ahead of me! Someone more worthy, someone more respected someone better suited. I've come to accept and actually expect it. I'm nobody's first choice.

But I am a great choice. I can make anyone feel better, as anyone else can. I can crack a joke, just as anyone else can. I can play any game, just as anyone else can. Although, no on can be me.

Just Hope. I always thought that was a bad thing JUST. But really it's not. I am Hope. No one can be me!

I think that's why guys are so appealing to me when they make me their first choice. I can't imagine anyone asking to do something with just me. I can't imagine me being their first choice...but my doubts wonder if I'm their only choice. I think we call this low self-esteem.

Hello my name is Hope an I have low self-esteem.

So next time when you're with someone don't explain why you are with them. Sometimes less is more. Just be happy you're with them, no one needs to know everything.

And for those who feel like me. Ehhhhh first isn't always best. Keep you're head up and be proud.