Beautiful Disaster

"a calamitous event, especially one occurring suddenly and causing great loss, of life...." A disaster, funny word that word is. When I hear the word, disaster, the first thing I think of is Katrina, the Ramona fires and earth quakes in Haiti. But sometimes it reminds me of one much closer to home. The disaster of life. The failure of walking off the straight and narrow. The disaster of placing yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. The disaster of failing.

Failing is a harsh word. Used to describe a mistake, the lack of knowledge in something or a physical short coming. What about the failure to listen.

Listening is one of the hardest things to do, but not when someone is praising you. If my professor is telling me how great I did i'm "all ears", but say someone is telling me how to correct a mistake. My mind shuts down, my ears close and the tears fall. I do not want to hear it. I have the knowledge to know I made a mistake and hearing it makes the guilt come flowing back.

But today I prayed something different. Instead of asking God to let everyone forget what I did I asked for me to not feel anything for it. Not the guilt not the shame but the love of my savior when he welcomed me back into his arms. He didn't have to wait a day or two to "mole it over" He forgave me on the spot. He told me "child was this a surprise?" To the people who can't see my heart, they probably think it is a shock. But for me and God, we knew what was happening. Everyday I made a conscious choice to not obey my Lord and savior. He felt the pain every second of everyday of a child shutting her heart. Warnings were heard but not listened to. Correcting love was given but not received. In the end, shock was spoken and shame was felt.

The things of this world are taken so lightly. Stealing a kiss, "the first time", telling a white lie, all are so "innocent". To God it is the same as committing one of the "big" sins. A wise woman said to me "God doesn't put the level of sins on sins, we people, human beings do. God sees it all the same" How powerful is that. Hurting someones life and a white lie will be judged equally to God's standards. That's weird for me. But we all fall short of God's standards. That's why he sent his son to die on the cross for our sins. So we didn't have to worry about meeting perfection, instead perfection met us.

My life maybe a disaster right now but to God I'm his beautiful disaster. You always have to rebuild after a disaster strikes. Sometimes God uses the rebuilding to make us who he's always seen us as. He knows what we look like as a finished product. I can not wait till my savior builds me into the strong and amazing woman he can make me. Stay strong all you beautiful disasters God is not finished with you yet.

A beautifully crafted disaster, for God's greater plan.